last night as i was falling asleep, i kept having all of these flashbacks.

my first kiss was a waste.

i hate him for making me be someone i'm not.

my dreams have been so eerie too, but i forget them right away.

the last few days have been really bad and ending up with me crying like an idiot.

i know crying doens't help, but i couldn't help it. things have gotten so incredibly overwhelming to me.

and it also doesn't help that i'm almost always smiling so people have no idea that anything is wrong. my smile is a habit and maybe that's a good thing because i have this physical reminder of when things were happy.

nothing ever works out, i try and do so many things for other people but i always end up hurting someone, i regret too many things, i'm afraid to talk, people have no respect for anything, and if so many people care about then why am i sitting here alone again?

You say you need me more than anyone else well go to hell- where have you been?

oh wait. it's not your fault. it's all my fault.

as usual.