i wish i could find the words to explain how i feel right now.

i'll try.

i feel like the world is going on without me and i'm watching it from afar.

i was in the basement, trying to do some gatsby homework, but then i just stopped.

i read a few stories submitted to chrysalis. one was about a lake and it reminded me of many memories.

my thoughts wandered for awhile..back to the lake and summer..

and then i came back to reality.

i was suddenly very cold, especially my unprotected fingers and toes.

it was silent, except for the occasional cycling of the heat turning on and then off.

what was i doing sitting alone in a cold basement?

so i got up, turned off the light.

as i went up the stairs, i started to hear the talking of the rest of my family. their laughs.

with every step, i could feel the temperature become slightly warmer and the voices slightly louder.

i opened the door at the top of the stairs and let the light rush over me.

i looked in at them, but i didn't feel like being a part of their celebrations.

and here i am. alone again.

but it's my choice.

why am i making that choice?

nothing is the same anymore.

i wish i would make the choice to be an active part of my life, but i'm not.

all i need... is some understanding.

wait for me.