as lauren said, "it was the most horrible yet strange day." that is very true. i'm having lots of issues right now - with myself and other people too. i'm stuck in the middle and i don't know which way to go. i'm going to implode. slowly, yet surely. i went to gary's house tonight with lauren. they played ddr a lot, and i seriously think that somebody drugged me at lunch. it was really scary... i couldn't see straight, i had a fever, i was shaking a lil, and i had a really slow reaction time. i'm ok now, i think. i just have a lot of thinking to do. by the way, gary rocks at ddr! he really got better! i was supposed to do something with ben tonight..but i guess not. he said he wasn't doing anything, and then he went out with some asians. aiy... i don't know. am i too selfish? no...i think i'm too nice. like, overly nice. so-nice-that-i'm-killing-myself-slowing nice. i NEVER put myself first, in anything. i always think about what would make other people happy before i think about myself. i guess that that is ok, but it is only to an extent. i can't take it anymore. i must being missing a "mean" gene. maybe mr. ley would know... heh, heh. my nails are pink today, just in case anyone wanted to know, which i'm sure you didn't, but too bad. now you know. i need to decide.. argh. i wish i could confront people. but no... i can't. i'm a much better listener than talker. i don't like to talk about myself that much. i'd rather hear what other people have to say. what is wrong with me? i don't know... i can't do this anymore. this whole blog is so random, just like my head. it probably makes no sense whatsoever, but i don't care. i don't care anymore. when you're depressed, nothing makes sense anyway so why should this?