Where will I sleep tonight?

Trying please people (particularly my little sisters) is getting me less than nowhere.
I always get shafted just because I'm the oldest. I could go on and rant about my current situation, but I won't because it is a waste of time and energy.

My dad told me I am not very good at expressing anger and that I look a lot like my Auntie Theresa. She is the youngest of seven, the cute one. I wonder how good she is at being angry.

I have about a 7-pound bag of clothes to give away. My mom won't like this, but I will tell her it will make me happier.

Less is more.

I made pies today for Thanksgiving. Oh, that is tomorrow. I like seeing my relatives though, which is a definite plus.

Last night I dreamed I was in a restaurant and a blond boy was at the next table. He was taking a test and had just written his name on the top. It said "S H A" and well, sha is a long story, but it made me curious. So I went over and asked him if that was his real name and he said it wasn't. His real name was Mary __-sha. He was from southern London and had an accent. He was very tall. We then went to a room with panels of maps and proceded to find the one that had a map of London with an arrow down saying "southern politics" and some other arrow to the east. He then met my mom who said something about wanting a first born son (wink wink). That was rather disturbing and I promptly woke up in a cabin in the woods. (No really, I did wake up in a cabin in the woods.)

Last night was fun. "We cooked, crafted, and cackled."

How do I feel about the snow? I LIKE IT. I think. I'm just floating through life right now anyway.

What day is today anyhow? The 24th...hey, today is Ben's birthday. Happy birthday to him.

I cleaned out my closet today. It is good.

I've kind of always wanted to sleep in a bathtub.

let go, go on.

Just let everything go!

Only one more day of school to go. I am feeling good.

Who smokes a cactus?? My sister's health class is crazy. Who remembers the list of goals/dreams we had to write for that? I wonder if I can find mine somewhere and see vhat I have done from zem.

I vant to have some FUN zis veekend!! Call me everyday. I vill be tired from vork but zat iz ok.

"I WORK ALL DAY.....and PLAY ALL NIGHT!"
giggle giggle.

I am so happy right now.

I'm going to play piano again.


Everything vill be ok, of zis I am sure.

Incomprehensible Longing

Back and forth, back and forth.

I remember a time when I thought all of your crafted words were for me.

Oh, to be so young.



I may be disposable but I am not replaceable.

Love me!

I need you to hear.

I really need someone to talk to right now. Alas, all of you have lives while I go see the play with my mom and I have to leave after the first act because I was upset.

I have major trust issues. I always think people have ulterior motives for being around me or for being nice.

I got my first college acceptance letter today. How does that make me feel? It was a very nice letter though. They actually wrote it to me personally (I know this because they explained specifically why they accepted me) instead of a mass mailing type of thing. I'd get $8000/year from my grades and stuff.

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. It would be so nice to disappear for awhile. Get a hold of yourself.

Did you want me to change?

I'm not ready. Just 5 more minutes... please?


I need to exfoliate my emotions.

This is me down on my knees.

No tomorrow, no tomorrow...

Ok, fine. What really upset me at the play. I just saw so many people and they have someone to go with. I'm jealous. Not to mention the fact that I could identify so well with Rachel's character that it almost hurt to watch. "And she ran to the pantry four consecutive times."

How do you live
as a fugitive?

I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away

You seem very well, things look peaceful

I'm not quite as well,
I thought you should know.
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

In general, I detest the male species.

It's fun to people-watch while rating their sex lives on a scale of 1 to 10.

I cry at the drop of a hat. I realized that I cannot face the thought of loving somebody so much and then watching them die.

Damn, why does it seem like my mother is right about everything? Oh right- it's because she is.

I want a boy.

Bad ass mothafucka.

I'm maxed out like a credit card.

I don't know what's going on with me. I can't let people get close to me. I don't talk very often nowadays.. let alone say anything worthwhile.

I had to sneak my new rug into my room. Don't ask.

Hello, awkward silence.






Goodnight.



I realize that now. Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight. I'm so lost.
But who really cares??? Lauren is right. Screw inhibitions- in less than a year I'll never see anyone again.

SHOW YOUR WORLD TO ME.


Sha la la la la la..

Would it be a sin?

I love my job.

Yes, it is tiring and loud and requires excessive amounts of patience, but I really do love it. I'm learning how to approach kids without intruding on whatever they are doing which really is an art. I love seeing the looks on their faces when I show them something new they can do with an exhibit and listening to all of the stories they have to tell. It's so neat because I am learning along with them. The museum stimulates my brain so much more than school does. On Thursday night after working, I was motivated to finish my homework and even study for math (which I NEVER do).
Today I met and worked with Jerry who is one of the floor coordinators. He was very kind and told me that I have a natural smile. He was impressed by my interactions with both children and adults which was so nice to hear. He said I'm exactly what they were looking for. It has been slightly daunting because 98% of the people who work there are adults and I usually don't feel comfortable with adults but everyone has been welcoming to me and has been willing to show me the ropes.
I'm just really glad I didn't rush and get some crummy job I would have hated. I can already tell that this experience will help me in becoming a teacher later on.

Yay :) So yes, that was my happy work update.

"The degree to which I can create relationships which facilitate the growth of others as separate persons is the measure of the growth I have achieved in myself." -Carl R. Rogers 1980

Thank You.

Today I have turned over a new leaf with school and everything else. My attitude in general, I guess.

I am going to start a gratitude revolution where you write down 5 good things that happened to you/that you did in a day. It is so important to just take a few minutes every day to recall the good things instead of drowning in the negative.

**Comment with your own list** because it's always good to hear what other people are thankful for.

P.S. I am truly thankful that you are a part of my life.

P.P.S. I started painting my thank-you cards from my birthday this weekend but it may take me a while to finish them because I'm making them personal.