i have a really hard time trusting anyone.

"nice and easy...nice and slow..."

thanks for being patient with me.

Snowball was fantastic.

It was definitely an emotional rollercoaster.

I miss my small group. We had so much fun and we really bonded. :(

Yay for fleege, lindsay, tiana, demi, erica, sagar, chip, michelle, and russ!

I met so many amazing people. It's nice to have someone to admire.

Today was tough with going back to school and all.

Teachers can be so insensitive.

I'm just really glad the school day is over.

Splendid!

I had a fantastic day.

Is there another good word for excited?

Happy Earth Day, everyone!

I strongly recommend seeing the spring play. It's called, "You Can't Take it With You." I thought it was simply fabulous (plus it made me laugh). It's at 7 P.M. on Friday and Saturday night.

I must go finish packing now-- Snowball, here i come!

"Climb every mountain, ford every stream,
follow every rainbow....till you find your dream."

What is it about genus arboretum that socks us in the figurative solar plexus?

We see a logging truck go cruising down the road, stacked with a bunch of those fresh-cut giants, we feel like we lost a brother.

Next thing you know, we're in The Brick,

we're flopping money down on the bar. Wood.

We're under a roof. Wood.

We're walking the floors. Wood.

Grabbing a pool cue. That's wood.

Our friends in the forest carry a set of luggage from the mythical baggage carousel.

Tree of life, tree of knowledge, family tree, Buddha's Bodhi tree.

Page one of life, in the beginning. Genesis 3:22. Adam and Eve. They're kicking back in the garden of Eden and boom, they get an eviction notice.

Why is that? "Lest they should also take of the tree of life, eat and live forever."

A definitive Yahweh no-no.

Be good to yourself, go out and plant a wet one on a tree.

--Diane Frolov and Robin Green, Northern Exposure, Old Tree, 1993

i'm tired of empty promises.

i'm tired of having false hope.

i'm tired of wanting what i can't have.

i'm tired of trying so hard when it's all in vain.

this is not how i wanted it to be.

it feels like the carpet has been pulled out from under me and here i am, fallen flat on my butt.

i thought i knew. i truly did...

je ne sais pas.

get in or get out.

i think i'll get in.

what are your thoughts about the future? is everyone as unsure as i am? my problem is that i know what i what to accomplish, but i don't know how to go about doing it.

i'm happy with my ACT score, but it could be better. i'm just glad to have the pressure off if i do decide to retake it.

it seems like i'm seizing every opportunity that comes my way. i'm making my life more exciting and positively charged. it feels good.

maybe i can't do everything, but hell, i'm gonna try.

I see your true colors
And that's why I love you

Life is simply fabulous.

I haven't been this happy in a lonnng time.

The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.

--Erasmus

lately i've been getting panic attacks (or something like that) whenever i take a test.

my mom is worried about me.

i'll be fine, i'll be fine...

i wish i could say that with more enthusiasm.

i'm so tired of making mistakes.

i'm tired of being emotional and i'm tired of so many people and i'm tired of myself and i'm tired of school and i'm tired of not caring and i'm tired of caring too much.

and about that "i want to be in love" entry- psh, forget that. love is hell. who needs love anyway? what does love get you?

bah humbug.
it's all a lie.

i'm in a poetic mood, but i'm afraid to sound awfully cliche.

i need to stop being such a chicken.

i over-analyze everything.. just like i am now.

i'm taking better care of myself now. why? because "i'm worth it." ;)

41 more days. GAHHHHH!!! so close, yet so far away...

i need to prioritize.

today i realized one possible cause of my depression. it's that i've lost almost all of my idealism. i could think of things that no one else thinks of and try making them happen. of course, i knew that everything wouldn't work out perfectly, but i was still able to dream.

and now. now. i can't. i don't think that way. it's really hard... i feel so snuffed out. i'm trying to regain some of it.. but it's a futile attempt.

and i get really lonely for awhile, but then i remember that there are people who care about me.

maybe my standards are too high - for others and myself.

does anyone expect me to be perfect?

i want to be in love.

tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life.

prepare to be amazed!

don't touch me please,

i cannot stand the way you tease.

who is going to go do things with me this weekend?

i have a list of fun things to do and i'm excited.

it includes:

-seeing that sunshine...? movie (i'm so not up-to-date anymore and i haven't been to a movie since the summer i believe)
-going for a walk in the woods (if it's sunny)
-doing all my laundry (ok, maybe this will be an independent endeavor on my part)
-baking cookies
-going to the 40s dance (i don't wannnna go.. but i'm supporting my sister)
-finger painting
-chalk drawing on sidewalks
-playing on a playground
-rolling down the big hill at the riverwalk
-planting
-bike ride (for the first time in.. oh, years.. but i'm going to start riding it to school soon. save the earth, baby!)
-sewing my patchwork project
-making a "deeply artistic and moving" film
-watching the movie from my vacation (filmed by my mother who said one random thing in a funny voice, then cut, and started up again with more random things)
-staying up really late
-looking at the stars
-learning and using new words
-massage (yeah you know you want to!)
-hot chocolate!
-sharpening all of the pencils in my house
-wearing too much make-up
-FINDING MY TURTLE!!! (the sequel to finding nemo)

when you look hard enough,

everyone is so beautiful.

i'm trying so hard to pull myself together.

my main problem is not being comfortable with new surroundings. i don't like doing things where i don't know what to expect.

of course, then there are other times when i love that.

but majority of the time- i don't like what i don't know.

i'm working on that though. i think i've already improved a little bit.

wow. school tomorrow. i don't want to throw myself back into that. but i guess i'll have to.

i put power rangers sheets on my bed last night.

i have so much laundry to do it's not even funny.

i'm home!! :( and :)

i had such a great time in california.

normally, i would say call me so we can have some naperville fun, but not this time.

i am currently:

-studying for the ACT that is tomorrow morning
-ENALC Soliloquy researching(?) and writing
-reading my 400-page 80s book
-ENALC 80s researching
-Envirothon studying because it's THIS THURSDAY (what?!)
-Chemistry homeworking
-historying
-le centre pompidou researching
-unpacking
-laundrying
-cleaning my room
-college searching/mail sorting
-cleaning a road
-QUESTgoing
-daylight savings timing (my 3rd lost hour in 3 days! ahh)
-playing with the digital camera
-sleeping

hope everyone is having a great spring break and good luck tomorrow on the ACT if you're taking it!