i'm feeling kind of lonely right now.
not excessively lonely, just a little.
i haven't gone out this weekend. i know everyone is having fun without me.
but it was my choice.
and that's why i can't be really lonely.
i could call people, but i'm afraid. i think i'm afraid of rejection.
i always feel the need to entertain people even if it doesn't seem like it.
there's a wall. a definite wall.
maybe it's the cold. i've been so cold lately.
some nights i have this longing where i need to sleep next to someone and wake up in the morning with them there. not even in a sexual way.. just to know that someone is there. someone who would stay awake until i fell asleep listening to the muffled in's and out's of their breath and feeling the gentle touch of their fingers through my hair.
so this is what happens to me when i am so far removed from the rest of the world..
i organized today. change is good. i needed some variety.
i started a "wall o' love" in my room today.
it is growing quite rapidly.
perhaps once i am completely cleaned out, some people will be able to see it.
i need some warmth. i had the urge to go buy a big fuzzy hooded sweatshirt today, but i didn't.
tomorrow i am going out to brunch with my family.
this has been the weekend of me.
i'll be gone next weekend too.
i'm going to volunteer at the paramount/milwaukee trip/QUEST.
it's ok. variety is the spice of life.
external influences.
well. i am tired. guess i'll go sleep now.
alone.
goodnight.