what a day!
by far the craziest day i have had in too long of a time.

the highlight of the day is a tie between:

-buying purple and black "the count" (from sesame street) underwear
-braiding adam strom's hair at the cast party (even though i'm not in the cast)
-ALMOST going to richard's house (we were so close)
-dance parties in caesar's car (don't you know that you're toxic!)
-buying 2 long pretty skirts (i want to wear one on monday)
-doing french homework in bed (at 8 in the morning)
-going to the $1 store and buying soil for my plants
-seeing so many people at the play
-tire swing extravagnza
-driving with the windows down and then sticking my head out of them
-playground pizza
-avoiding the sex pit
-talking on the phone with ben while in a dressing room with lauren (haha, how did that happen!?)
-hybrid!!
-mike's british MUM
-having it feel so much like summer todayyy
-plus so many other things that i can't even begin to remember right now :)

There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you

i am in the mood for an adventure.

i'm sure tomorrow will be an adventure.
i'm waking up at 7 with lauren.

tonight was fun! :)

happy birthday, krista!!

i would write more details but my attention span has been reached.

later days.

i love how so many people have read my blog today.

you can tell something big is due tomorrow!

oh ENALC...... :)

"My! People come and go so quickly here!"

-Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz

I saw on the poster
My name was printed
Just a little bit smaller
I can tell you need to stand
Just a little bit taller
No one ever talks about it
But no one can disguise
The cloud of competition
That is hanging behind their eyes
There's more bad blood
In this bar than there is beer
And it's subtle but it still sucks
And I want out of here

We got egos like hairdos
They're different every day
Depending on how we slept the night before
Depending on the demons that are at our door

"girls are nice for petting"

it's over.

for real this time.

no more.

i hung on every empty word you said.

i heart nida.

------clam in the sky!!!!------

i hate what you do to me.

nida says i'm melodramatic.

i told her that i try. i really do. but i'm unhappy here. which leaves me no motivation. which gives me not-so-good grades. and i'm always trying to do my best. but i don't do my best. i don't WANT to be able to go with this flow.

maybe i am melodramatic.

sometimes i wish there was some way to exist without interacting with other people. that way i don't affect them in a negative way.

i'm in the mood for a marathon of some sort.

how about next weekend?

let's see..

it could be..
-a marathon of a certain type or theme of movies
-a winter-activity marathon (snowball fight, ice skating, sledding, etc)
-a dance party marathon with unusual music
-a conglomeration of people with music instruments (whether they can play them or not) trying to convey a certain emotion or situation
-a story-telling marathon
-a baking marathon and then have other people join for an eating marathon of what we made
-a photography marathon
-a making-a-movie marathon
-anything else!

yes? no? maybe so? who has more ideas? we need a brainstorming marathon!

go!

(and if no one comments, i WILL cry.)

"To do two things at once is to do neither."
-Publilius Syrus

i have reached this point in my current life.
but i can't explain it.
nothing makes sense.

i think one thing and everyone else thinks another.
do i really have that twisted of a view of myself?

i try so hard but i never win.

i feel so bad for needing so much attention lately.
i know that i'm not the only person with problems and things to do.

i cried at school.
what a loser.

my head feels so strange from it. i have this dull ache in the back of my head, my eyes are dry and my cheeks feel icky.

even the weekend doesn't seem as appealing as it did before.

i really should be writing my ARRR bee now. it will be a long poem entitled "drifting." it's going to have 2 columns that contrast each other.
but no one cares about my stupid RB that doesn't even exist yet, do they?

i made a new friend today.

i've been ever so lonely lately.
but i don't want to talk.
so i guess it's my fault.
just like everything.

i'm such a bad influence on my little sisters. :(
they are 11 year old procrastinators...
this morning was not pretty at my house.
i had to make my own lunch. i wrote REJECTED on it.

i let my primroses grow wilted again.

i have math, history, french, psych, and chem tests/quizzes tomorrow. and an RRRRRR bee due.

lovely. just lovely.

i can waltz now. well sort of.

With a taste of your lips,
I'm on a ride,
You're toxic,
I'm slipping under,
With a taste of a poison paradise,
I'm addicted to you,
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do,
But you know that you're toxic!


what a night ;)

i am in such a good mood.

i'm baking blueberry muffins right now.

my homework is done.

i'm going to go to sleep early tonight.

i feel like singing!

why would you want me?

today was just one of those days...

i was all over the place.

what a roller coaster ride.

there is no possible way i can finish my homework without killing myself.

so. i don't know what to do.

maybe i'll just go to bed now since i have no concentration and get up realllly early. i always say that and it never happens.. but you never know. tomorrow may be different.

i love the color of the night sky when it snows.
it makes me happy.

but.

i'm tired of being left alone.

my heart aches.

that is my problem.

i haven't cried so hard in a long time. i have been holding it in.

when i cry, i look so pathetic.

my eyelashes become all dark and long and wet.

my face gets all *splotchy.*

i look so miserable.

today i couldn't even breathe. i couldn't think. it took me over.

talk about crying a river..

i don't think i have any tears left.

it's a long story about why i am so upset.

far too complicated and disillusioned for me to try and explain it to anyone.

there isn't anything anyone can do, except to support me. don't ask questions because i can't give you the answers. i am lost.

please don't give up on me like i have given up on myself.



the sky is grey


the sand is grey.


the ocean is grey.



i feel right at home

in this stunning monochrome.


alone

in my way.