someone sign my #()@#( guestbook.

<------------------------------------------------------

:)

ahhhhhh i'm thinking about way too many things at one time.
i need a list.
-my little sister jenny is camping out at girl scout camp tonight in a little tent and she is deathly afraid of thunderstorms... and not just to a normal extent.. she freaks out. i'm so worried about her!!!!!!!!
-i love listening to people talk in languages that i do not comprehend. i could sit there and listen all day. at a park, there was this couple and they're little son who was about.. one and half years old. the dad had just gotten home from work and he was pushing the little boy in the little kid swings while the mom stood by and smiled. they were japanese so i had no idea what they were saying, but i could still hear the...love.
-i remember when i thought my pinky fingers were shrinking. i am still convinced that they are. slowly...but surely...
-when i get worried or stressed out or nervous i pick at my fingernails. during the school year, they are almost nonexistent. but in a way, they keep me in check. when they get out of control, i know that i need to slow down and take a break from everything. i could clip my fingernails all day.
-when will i FINISH cleaning out my room? it's seems like it will never end. grrrrar!! but when it is.. party!! :)
-i read more of my antonia today. ::backs myself on the back:: it's not toooo horribly boring so far..
-some people just upset me no matter what. it's inevitable.
-i wish i were more like i used to be... i want my patience back.
-i want to be trusted.
-i want to get rid of my bad attitude.
-i want to reach out more to people instead of just expecting them to come to me.
-i want, i want, i want...
-I WANT TO FEEL NEEDED, DAMMIT!!
-*sigh*
-i need to start answering the phone.
-i want to be able to cry again and just let everything out instead of holding it all inside.
-i want you to be there for me and say that everything is alright.
-i want to be content.
-i want some ice cream. :( cookie dough is my favorite. or a reese's peanut butter cup blizzard with a sip of phil's slushie thing on the side.
-i want to stop expecting the world to revolve around me even though i really don't but i just feel like that sometimes.
-i want to be more decisive.
-i want my enthusiasm for life back.
-but you can't start a fire without a spark...
-i want a spark!!!
-i also want a spork. i love sporks. i don't care if everyone else hates them and thinks they are stupid.
-i like little things. i like little baby spoons. especially the pink ones you get when you sample something at baskin robins. i like little baby carrots and i like little pens, but not little pencils.
-i hate it when my cd player skips and i hate the fact that you can literally see through a space on one of my favorite CDs. it is busted, man.
-i like hideously bright colored things but i also like a lot of black.
-i like surprises but i'm afraid of them.
-i hate when i burn my tongue but i love sipping hot chocolate.
-i like things that are soft.
-i like when people take my advice and things work out for them.
-i love the sense of community... being young and singing around a fire with your arms draped around your best friends in the world and looking up at the stars and wanting nothing more than to stay that way forever.
-i love that feeling i get after reading a really good book... you don't want it to end, but it did and i think about the entire story and just soak it it... and then i have to come back to real life and live my own story.
-i hate it when people say "your cool, your nice, your the greatest," etc. it's YOU ARE which = you're!! ahhh, pet peeve.
-i would love to die laughing.

thinking day again.
lauren might call me later... i don't know.
i feel so sick.
my tummy hurts.
i can't eat anymore, it makes me so nauseous.
ick.

stars are out tonight
and you're the brightest one shining in my sky.
it's like every wish I ever made came true.
the day I woke up lying next to you.

will you be my best friend
if I offer you my heart?
'cause it's already yours.
we could hang out every night
and watch the sun go down.
as long as we could watch it rise again.

gave me a valentine.
it's these little things that stand the test of time.
I've saved the tickets from the shows that we've been to.
and a thousand other memories of you.

gave you this i.o.u. today.
it said good for one galaxy.
once I build my rocket to the stars.
we'll fly away just you and me.

--the ataris

"Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction,
it is just as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to him."

-Simone Weil

i finally saw "when harry met sally" tonight.
yay! :)
i was so excited.
i am the most hopeless romantic in the world. surprise, surprise...
ahhhhh...
....9 extra floors....
i want that.
i could watch that movie all day. i totally should someday.
yes.
*sigh*........
how about tomorrow?? hehe
ahh, but it kills me because no guy is really like that and things never work out the way they do in movies...
but hey, i can still dream, right? right.
we also watched josie and the pussycats. oh wow.
worst movie i have ever seen. no joke.
but it was soooo bad.. that in some way, it worked.
so awful though... hah, you had to laugh.
mmm... what should i do tomorrow/today?
i have no plans as of now.
someone said national kissing day is tomorrow but i just looked it up and one thing says that it is july 6 and another says it's april 28. *ooo la la*
now i'm anti-sappiness.
it's making me sick.
bleaghhh.
"you always want what you can't have."
i've decided from now on to end every post with a quote so here it is.

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
- Ingrid Bergman

and..... i can't resist a when harry met sally beast quote...

H: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.

S: What?

H: I love you.

S: How do you expect me to respond to this?

H: How about, 'You love me too'?

S: How about, 'I'm leaving.'

H: Doesn't what I've said mean anything to you?

S: I'm sorry Harry, I know it's New Year's Eve, I know you're feeling lonely, but you can't just show up here, tell me you love me and expect everything to be all right. It doesn't work that way.

H: Well how does it work?

S: I don't know, but not this way. (Walking away)

H: Well how about this way. I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love when you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I've spent the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because its New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.

S: That's just like you, Harry, you make it impossible to hate you; and I really hate you, I really hate you (said while simultaneously smiling and crying, then the big KISS).

goooooood night, everybody.

Today, I Woke Up Smiling.

:)

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Heads are a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and hold me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.

--coldplay "the scientist"

i just got home from babysitting again.
actually, i babysat twice today.
first time, we played with barbies and dolls and her sea creatures.
we played outside {i got eaten alive again.. ah well}
and the highlight of the day...

we told

deepest,

darkest

secrets~!

and we had to be in a dark place or it wouldn't work.
imaginative 6 year old girls are the best people to tell deepest, darkest secrets to.
we even pinky-swore twice that we would never tell.
:) hehe
she admitted to making some of them up though.
one included scuba diving..
"and we kissed...on the LIPS!"
::giggle giggle::

oh man, i have a bad feeling. maybe i'm just paranoid... nah, i'm probably right.. i deserve it. i guess i couldn't have gone anyway....

but anyway. back to deepest, darkest secrets...
first, our secret place was in the tree which led to hanging upside down in it..
then my toes got eaten by the toy lawn mover..
and ate some semi-burned popcorn...
then we went behind a chair with a blanket over it and got a flashlight.
and then under the table with a biggg blanket over that.
marina always wanted me to tell lovey-dovey stories so i did.
it was fun to tell some of the truth and make up other parts b/c there's only so much you can say to a 6 year old girl...lol. but the bad news, their mom came home an hour late and she totally under-pays me. so.. i don't know. the kids are so much fun though... we'll see, we'll see.

i want to buy a new hooded sweatshirt.
a really really big, warm, and fuzzy one.
that would make me so happy.
:)

and i have made a decision.
from now on, i will only be my happy old self because life really is too short not to be.

and i found a list today. it's supposed to be things for a photography project but i think i might expand it a little more.

here's the list:

-love...something you love, something that is loved.
-you...a self portrait, something that represents who you are.
-food...breakfast, brunch, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, dessert, midnight snacks.
-new...just bought, current, modern, unused.
-animal...domestic or wild, land or water, big or small, rare or common.
-scape...your surroudings, panoramic views, terrain, cityscapes, landscapes.
-sound...things that make noise, quiet or loud.
-construction...being made, creation, in the making, building.
-home...a house, town, state, country, what makes your home home.
-time...seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, year, calendars, clocks.
-transport...how we get from A to B.
-light...natural or artificial, bright or dim, unique lighting.
-water...large quantities to droplets.
-colour...show colour, bright, bold, lots of colours, contrast.
-signage...stop signs, go signs, shopfronts.
-numbers...quantities, items with numbers on them.
-authority...rules and regulations, authority figures or restrictions.
-symmetry...balance, equality, evenness, mirror image.
-empty...deserted areas, finished products, blank expressions.
-a sunset...one sunset in july, the sky before the sun goes down.
-weather...hot, cold, spring, summer, autumn, winter, sun, snow, rain.
-communication...how we speak to each other, how to express your thoughts.
-little things...the small things in life that make us happy.
-footwear...what do feet wear? what goes on feet?

interesting list, no?
it has inspired me to do something, but what- i am not sure yet.

quote of the day:

"I really should've run the other direction when I heard that one, but I was young and horny, and she was a babe."

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold
We'll walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

see, THIS is the girl i used to be...
maybe it's still in there somewhere.


Suzanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
You're all that I need in the world
I'm your child, make me blush, drive me wild
Suzanne, you're all that I wanted

When I met you I was all alone
Cold and hungry cryin' on the phone
You baked me brownies and said, 'Don't you cry'
And gave me the coat off your back

Suzanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
You're all that I need in the world
I'm your child, make me blush, drive me wild
Suzanne, you're all that I wanted

Even Izzy, Slash and Axl Rose
When I call, you put 'em all on hold
And say to me that you'd do anything
And all I can do is say that
I haven't much I can give you in return
Only my heart and a promise not to turn
But I sing to you every day and every night
Suzanne, I'm your man

Suzanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
You're all that I need in the world
I'm your child, make me blush, drive me wild
Suzanne, you're all that I wanted
Of a girl

my "registration materials" came in the mail today.
there is less than one month of summer left.
holy mamas.

i'm eating chicken noodle soup for lunch today.
i remember when you ate the chicken for me.
but now it looks pathetic just sitting there in the bottom of my bowl.

this is one of those times when i really wish i knew what to say.



i had a calming dream last night, but right now that is completely irrelevant.

here, because i can't say the right way...


There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

-Ella Wheeler Wilcox

bald-headed

adj : lacking hair on all or most of the scalp; "a bald pate"; "a bald-headed gentleman"


you were right. i was wrong.

i think i want to lay in bed for days and days and days.....

just like this morning. the weather. it was so hot and humid.
it almost made me sick. you could barely breathe. i told my dad that i wanted it to rain. he said, you do? i said, yes. it's better than this.

i am like those clouds... holding everything in...

one of these days i will just let everything go and the rain will come pouring down.

and it did rain today.

afterwards, it was very cool outside. the stifling humidity was gone.

no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Disney movies, Chinese food, warm fuzzy blankets, hammocks, finishing a good book, comedy, inside jokes that you're a part of, music, driving with the windows down, stars, swing sets, pajamas, having soft hands, pillows, couches that eat you, laying on people, funfetti, red cake, bookstores, fish tanks, roller coasters, not missing when throwing change in tollbooths, concerts, jumping in puddles, cloud break sunshine, recycling, lightning bugs/fireflies, daydreaming, fires, camping, canoeing, hiking, artwork, white out, laying in the grass, nature, chocolate, watermelon, spitting out watermelon seeds, sailboats, islands, waves on the beach with the sun setting, swimming in the sun, the moon when it appears in the day, warm sand, floating, opening your eyes under water, flippers, manatees, penguins, and seals, mongeese, making up words, guitars, waterfalls, babbling brooks that you can wade in, a house up in a tree, tents, smiling, Susan, Philalicious, making other people happy, staying up late, playing truth or dare, scissors, peanut butter granola bars, ___ for dummies books, getting mail, board games, puzzles, monopoly(without my annoying cat), singing, whispering

we've got egos like hairdos
they're different every day
depending on how we slept the night before
depending on the demons that are at our door

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are busy in the air

it makes me wonder...

vroom vroom

and..... i just burned my tongue.

lovely.

everything is upsetting me right now.
everything.
shall i make a list?
i accidently dried out my hair
my pot of water isn't boiling
my legs are too smooth
my music is either too loud or too quiet
i keep flipping drops of water from my hair onto the computer screen and they make rainbow dots {slightly cool}
i feel completely empty inside
i'm all alone
my dad said he misses me-- i'm never home when he is anymore
i hate the noise that boiling water makes
i'm eating fat baby carrots- i HATE fat baby carrots, they're gross. i only like the little ones.
xylem
i just took an extremely hot shower with no cold water.
i then felt sick and ran back in there and blasted cold water.
i am neurotic.
i have no motivation.
my soup is too hot to eat. the ice cubes i put in it are cracking.
i can't find my hairbrush.
i hate when people call and don't leave messages.
i need a nap.
hot-n-ready.
my flowers are wilting.
latex gloves.
memories....

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up in the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the thing you said

you know what i love to do?
when my skin peels from sunburn, i love to pick it off.
it fascinates me.
too bad i don't have any sunburn, nor do i want it.

i really need a change.
that is what i have discovered today.
maybe a physical change... hair cut? i should measure how long it is again..
i definitely need an attitude adjustment.
i have become too cynical.

who am i?

-you are the suziemeister
-you are miss suzie q
-Susan
-suzi
-suz

AHHHH! but what does that MEAN?!?

*sigh*

another day, another background...
:) hehe, i like this one.
it's a keeper.

today was a thinking/sleeping day.
but i did babysit too.
new people.
the kids were so cute and we had a lot of fun.
let's see, this fun included...
maple syrup/pine tree adventures
surfing
monkey girl
stories
eating pine needle clam chowder
me wearing a firehat
hurricanes and a tornado
no sticks in the house
hanging upside down
they didn't want me to leave, so i stayed an extra 1/2 hour.
i got little-kid hugs {you know- the ones where they squeeze the life out of you}
it was cute.
then i came home and ate ramen noodle soup for lunch and/or dinner.
i proceded to put away all of the clothes that were sprawled all over my room.
i went on laura's bed and it was just so comfy that i ended up falling asleep listening to music.
sleeping from 5:30 until after 8:00 rocks.
*ZzzZzzZzzZzZ*
sleepy, sleepy susan....
i wanted to rent "when harry met sally" tonight because i have never seen it and i want to.
perhaps i will tomorrow.
who's with me?

When the world ends
Collect your things
You're coming with me
When the world ends
You tuckle up yourself with me
Watch it as the stars disappear to nothing
The day the world is over
We'll be lying in bed

I'm gonna rock you like a baby when the cities fall
We will rise as the building's crumble
Float there and watch it all
Amidst the burning, we'll be churning
You know, love will be our wings
The passion rises up from the ashes
When the world ends

When the world ends
You're gonna come with me
We're going to be crazy
Like a river bends
We're going to float
Through the criss cross of the mountains
Watch them fade to nothing
When the world ends
You know that's what's happening now
I'm going to be there with you somehow, oh...

:) found it.

Harry Burns: You realize, of course, that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not!
Harry: Do to.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do to.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

From the movie: When Harry Met Sally

What do you really think of me?

do it.......!

alright, are you ready for this?

my biggest flaw:

expressing emotion.

ok, i know i'm an extremely emotional person... pretty moody, BUT...

oh yes, there's a but...

you always know HOW i'm feeling and not WHAT i'm feeling.

before you decide i'm crazy, think about it.

like when i get christmas presents or birthday presents, i never know how to express my appreciation and end up feeling stupid.
and not just with THINGS... but with people too.
i never say the right thing.
i may be thinking it, but i can't put it into words.

so yes, that is my biggest flaw.

please be patient with me, i'm still learning.

Adia, I do believe I failed you
Adia, I know I let you down
Don't you know I tried so hard to love you in my way?
It's easy, let it go...

Adia, I'm empty since you left me
Trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone to see where we went wrong
'Cause there's no one left to finger
There's no one here to blame
There's no one left to talk to honey and there ain't no one to buy our innocence

'Cause we are born innocent
Believe me Adia
We are still innocent
It's easy
We all falter
Does it matter?

Adia, I thought that we could make it
But I know I can't change the way you feel
I leave you with your misery, a friend who won't betray
I pull you from your tower
I take away your pain and show you all the beauty you possess
If you'd only let yourself believe

the fair went pretty well.
i got reserve champion and class champion ribbons for the bread i made.
a red ribbon (bad bad susan) on this one plant b/c it was 2 years old and not one year old.
blue ribbons on my flowers and pie crust.
i slacked off this year... but it's all ok.
not worth the stress i would have caused myself to do other stuff.
i'm glad it's over for the year.
next year i will rock though. i have decided.
i am such a pseudo-housewife. it disgusts me.

and what happened to all of my goodness?
it has vanished.
*poof*

i love those things with lots of different cartoon faces that say "How Are You Feeling Today?"
i have one right now. let's see how i'm feeling today...

-exhausted
-confused
-guilty
-suspicious
-hysterical
-frustrated
-confident
-embarrassed
-mischievous
-disgusted
-cautious
-smug
-depressed
-overwhelmed
-hopeful
-lonely
-jealous
-bored
-surprised
-anxious
-shy

ah yes. another day in the world of susan.


i could use some motivation right about now.
my room is still getting cleaned out.
i think i need to have a shindig when it is done.

last night i went downtown with phil.
he busted out some popeye, hahaha.
we bought a box of donuts and bigass JUG of chocolate milk.
(haha, i said jug.)
i still have the donuts in my purse. i will give them back to you today. don't worry, i didn't eat any.
i have very friendly pants. they say hi.

we are so insane.

i think i saw shannon with her friends but i am not sure.
i see that girl everywhere i go. even saw her in chicago one day.
she has spectacular hair.
actually, i saw way too many people i know downtown.
i was very afraid.

i woke up after 1:00 today. it was nice.
i must get back to my room now.

they played this song at the fair today.

"Addicted"

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm addict
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still addict
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

go on- see if i care.

you know the one word i hate?

"whatever."

agggghhhh! i hate it!

i have realized that the only time i use it is when i am extremely pissed off

and have nothing left to say.

mmmm
i am awfully sleepy right now.
i am not really sure why i am still awake.
mmm...bed...
mmm...sleeeeeeep...
i babysat tonight.
those kids absolutely love me.
it's the cutest thing ever.
we always have so much fun.
tonight, we...
-baked and decorated a cake
-made ice cream with an ice cream maker thing
-held auditions for some musical thing (complete with singing to disney remix songs, dancing, the chicken dance, and a glittery fake microphone. now that's the life...)
-we *played* spy kids 2. that consisted of watching the movie and acting out the parts. i somehow ended up as carmen who has a big role. they wanted me to talk along with my physical actions but i didn't know the words so i just made things up and it was good.
-wrestling with a 5 year old boy
-washing alllll of the many dishes we dirtied throughout the night.
-doing the whole scooter thing in the living room
-their dog, elvis, loving me (their dad was in shock)
-and all of this is about 3 hours.
we've made newspapers in the past, made milkshakes, and many other things.
haha, good times baby.
tomorrow... i have a full day of cooking ahead of me. yeeeeehaw!
i'll try and finish everything up so i can do something in the eveningish.
::crosses fingers::


LEAVE ME COMMENTS! I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS, BEAST!!
:( I FEEL SO UNSPECIAL...

(0)
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::sniffle sniffle::

I alone am the one you don't know you need,
take heed, feed your ego.
Make me blind when your eyes close,
sink when you get close, tie me to the bedpost.
I alone am the one you don't know you need,
you don't know you need me.
Make me blind when your eyes close,
Tie me to the bedpost...

I would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rinds,
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside.
I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out,
find nothing but faith in nothing.
Wanna put my tender heart in a blender,
watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion.
Rendezvous, and I'm through with you.

because i am (once again) stuck at home all day, it's definitely........

QUIZ TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::lots of noise::


cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Bob Marley!


Who are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Pink:
You see the world in bright pink. The world is a
happy, happy place! You love all people and
things!! Life is great! You're just like a
happy child. Spread the cheer.

Made by
Sara


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Peace.

You are at peace with your self and the world
around you. You have balance in your life and
exude tranquility from every pore of your body.
People are constantly asking you "what is
your secret?"


What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Pyrokinetic!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla


Tomboy


What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla


eh.. don't agree with all of them, but there it is.
i'm getting bored... just picking whatever answer pops out at me first...
blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
this week is gonna suck.
i can't really do much....
i have to babysit tonight.
tomorrow is my day of "this is what you get for procrastinating AGAIN, beast."
wednesday... judging... at like 8:30 in the morning... ick....
maybe i'll do something after that...
if i'm not too exhausted...
i have a headache just thinking about all i'm gonna have to do...
*sigh*
i can do it... right? right.
i'm also in the process of cleaning out my room... yeehaw.
i'm actually getting there though.
i washed dishes today.
i am the champion dish washer....OF THE WORLD!
.......
yeah...
i'm so bored.
i'll go... do.... something....now.....i guess....

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.

If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"
---or, "ill only need a minute" (pants already off)

Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!

you wanna have sex or not? if not, we can do it the hard way

this ones on me, maybe later i can get on you

couldn't resist one last song...

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

bitchiness of the day:


Half way across the country? Are you NUTS?

Show
me
a man who's
worth
driving
six blocks for,

I'll
show
you
the snowcone stand
I
opened in
hell.

{ouch}

there once was a time

when i had pinecone for a boyfriend.

his name was jack.

that's right, jack.

then brian threw him in the flowers

and somebody saved him...

but i have not seen him since.

*sigh*

reward to anyone who returns my wittle jacky-wacky {gag} to me!

and i WILL recognize any imposters.

jacek-quote-of-the-day (i usually get one every time i talk to him):

"well real or not, i like it"

i have been going song-crazy lately.
i'll stop now.
it's driving me nuts.
speaking of nuts....
oh, nevermind.

this is the song my dad always sang to me when i was a baby.
he changed the lyrics a little though.
he always said:
"suuuusan
you're my litttle susan
i love you so much
no other girl could ever take the place of you"

the song "susan" by the buckinghams really goes....

Susan, looks like I am losin'
I'm losin' my mind (losin' my mind)
I'm wastin' my time

Susan do you have to be confusin'
I ask myself why you're sayin' goodbye

No other girl could ever take the place of you
Though you're hurtin' me
You know I'll always be thinkin' of you
Girl I always love you

Love love love love...
I love you, yes I do, I do (2x)

Susan I love you

awww.....
memories....
*sigh*

"suzie blue" -ben harper

Won't you sing me the blues
Won't you sing me the blues
Sing me something my heart can use; misery loves a symphony

Does your face, your pretty face get lost in a crowd?
And you say no one's there
To hear you cry out loud
What will you do, Suzie Blue?

Where did you learn to do that so well?
Where did you learn to do that so well?
I guess that would be like kiss and tell
If it's a secret, why did you show me?

But your far away from the love you used to hold,
Don't sit and watch yourself grow old
The day is new, Suzie Blue
The day is new, Suzie Blue

Real life has let you down
Real life has let you down
Someone stripped the jewel from your crown
Everybody is always somebody's something
Kissing from heaven in your arms
And we'll make love to the memories
They will always see us through, Suzie Blue
The day is new, Suzie Blue
The day is new, Suzie Blue


;)

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it,
"I will love you always and forever."

Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.

Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.

stories i have been told today.
don't freak out- i'm leaving them anonymous.

once, there were two robots, named rodd and todd.
Then ___ decided that she hates people.
and then susan decided the same thing.
and they lived happily, hating people the world over.

I wrote this song today that's called Episode 57
the chorus goes
Out of the 3 girls
That came with the lady
Jan will always be the hottest Brady
cause in episode 57 they all bash on jan's looks

once upon a time... a girl named ___ cooked chicken for her little sister ___.
___ really didnt want to try her sister's horrible cooking, so she ran away to the computer, locked the door, and went online.
___ was sooo stubborn that she stayed in there for a whole week and practically starved herself!
that's when she learned that she should really appreciate her sister because her sister did what she did cuz she loved ___.

well one day this chick was walking down the street ( this happens to be me) and she walks into the grocery store and smack she runs into this MAJOR hottie and says omg! your Steve-O from Jackass themn he goes yeah in that sexy voice a his ... then you should know the rest I mean they get married and have 6 kids and live happily ever after!

there once was a boy named ___ who was just disturbed from his game by a girl named susan.
no one has seen or heard of susan since.

once upon a time there was a guy who really liked this girl but was never sure if the girl liked him back
and one day
the guy
because he had so much other things to think about
asked the girl to tell him that she didnt like him
and the girl finally agreed to it
she wrote him a letter
explaining how much she didnt want to do this
and that no matter what she would never forget about him
and, as the boy requested, she told him he would not have a chance of going out with her
much time passed, and the boy and girl did not talk for a long while
but one stormy night
the girl had a dream
that she was older
and happily married to the boy - who was also older
when she woke up
she right away told the boy about this
and though he was happy that she showed signs of remembering him, as she promised
he didn't know what to do
he liked this girl very much, and would - without any doubt - marry her happily
and now this girl liked the boy too
but with both of them busy with much else
they both knew that they would not be able to do much together
the girl is calling the boy right now
so the boy has to go
and stop the story
the end

i had a family reunion today
i realized that my family is super conservative
the end

VolunteerMexican (10:37:41 PM): once upon a time
VolunteerMexican (10:38:07 PM): there was a beautiful princess locked in the top of a gigantic tower
VolunteerMexican (10:38:11 PM): in the shape of a penis
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:38:19 PM): interesting...
VolunteerMexican (10:38:47 PM): to keep her from jumping, her captor grew weeds twice as tall as a man, with thorns, all around the bass of the tower
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:39:13 PM): oh man
VolunteerMexican (10:39:27 PM): one day, the princess wrote for help, and sent the message paper flying in the wind
VolunteerMexican (10:39:33 PM): it was picked up
VolunteerMexican (10:39:35 PM): by a mexican
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:39:45 PM): *ooo la la*
VolunteerMexican (10:39:58 PM): noone knows for sure what the note really said, but this is how he read it....
VolunteerMexican (10:40:57 PM): "h- he- help mme, I'm sstuck in a twer...tewr....towe...oh oh a tower, need hhelp.........
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:41:12 PM): aww
VolunteerMexican (10:41:39 PM): will pay $100 (US), bonus for cleanliness, can exchange for pesos"
VolunteerMexican (10:41:56 PM): and so, the mexican set out to make some money, and rescue the princess in the process
VolunteerMexican (10:42:13 PM): because we all know what is really important
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:42:32 PM): of course
VolunteerMexican (10:43:00 PM): and so, he fired up his stolen lawnmower....VROOOM VROOM
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:43:15 PM): sexy
VolunteerMexican (10:43:38 PM): it had a lawn chair roped to the top
VolunteerMexican (10:43:53 PM): and so he sat, mowing and mowing and mowing
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:44:06 PM): awesome
VolunteerMexican (10:44:11 PM): and mowing som mo
VolunteerMexican (10:44:15 PM): but then
VolunteerMexican (10:44:19 PM): :scary music:
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:44:24 PM): ::hides::
VolunteerMexican (10:44:33 PM): the evil prince came out and shot him with a laser gun
VolunteerMexican (10:45:12 PM): but just before he died, the mexican reached for the mower, and flipped the "super mexican power" switch
VolunteerMexican (10:45:27 PM): and the power transformed into a GIANT MOWER FROM HELL
VolunteerMexican (10:45:37 PM): and it mowed the tower down
VolunteerMexican (10:45:43 PM): crumble crumble crumble
VolunteerMexican (10:45:49 PM): and crumble some mo
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:46:05 PM): ahhhhh!
VolunteerMexican (10:46:13 PM): oh, and it cut up the evil prince into a thousant little pieces
VolunteerMexican (10:46:21 PM): and he was carried away by south american army ants
VolunteerMexican (10:46:35 PM): and also, the princess fell to her death
VolunteerMexican (10:46:42 PM): the end.
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:46:42 PM): oh no!
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:46:45 PM): lol
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:46:47 PM): bravo
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:46:49 PM): that was lovely
VolunteerMexican (10:46:52 PM): good story?
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:47:08 PM): extremely good
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:47:11 PM): well done
VolunteerMexican (10:49:17 PM): whats funny is imaging the giant mower knocking over a giant phallic tower
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:49:44 PM): haha, that would be awesome
VolunteerMexican (10:49:55 PM): oh
VolunteerMexican (10:49:57 PM): I forgot
VolunteerMexican (10:50:02 PM): when the princess fell to her death
VolunteerMexican (10:50:23 PM): she fell mouth first on the top of the tower
VolunteerMexican (10:50:31 PM): open mouthed
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:50:37 PM): gasp!
VolunteerMexican (10:50:47 PM): whats interesting
VolunteerMexican (10:50:59 PM): is that the water supply somehow was shot out the top of the tower
VolunteerMexican (10:51:02 PM): she was known
VolunteerMexican (10:51:04 PM): as the princess
VolunteerMexican (10:51:10 PM): who swallowed the biggest load in history
VolunteerMexican (10:51:13 PM): then end again
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:51:37 PM): ahh!!
unPAMPELMOUSSE (10:51:45 PM): ::applause::


haha, some interesting folk. you gotta love 'em.

oh yes, and how could i forget?
i seriously hate men.
i cannot even begin to express in words how much i despise them.
they are vile.
they have this STUPID idea of what being a MAN is supposed to be.
and they put on this stupid act of macho man.
just kill me now.
i have very little faith in any of them.
they'll all come to the same fateful end as the rest if they don't stop this cycle.
and i hate alcohol and smoking.
sickening.
repulsive.
"oh i'm sorry, what? MAYBE i would be taking you seriously right now if you weren't so fucking drunk."
but no, i have more self-control than that.
i'll just play along. it's all a game anyway.
let them think they have control over me while i'm silently playing by my own rules.
oh, this sounds like i'm mad at my parents, doesn't it?
i'm definitely not. they are nothing like what i've described above... very far from it.
but i don't have to explain myself anyway.
oh, and i hate men for being so perverse and threatening.
i'll never trust them.
actually, there are very few people i even come close to trusting at the moment.
and guys, i haven't fully given up on you yet. there is still some time.
don't feel the need to fit an image. just don't.
and don't become your father.
but who am i to tell you what to do?
i don't know anything, right?
well, you know what?
i do know something.
i know that i really don't care if you think that.

i am thoroughly disgusted with the world.
i cannot take it any longer.
i am so mad that i can't even think straight.
everything makes me sick.
it is all hideous and corrupt.
and WHY?
are YOU happy? are your PARENTS happy?
no. i bet you're not.
i can't even THINK about college and having a "career" now because i cannot picture myself living this kind of life.
this is not what life was meant to be.
not even close.
but this is the only reality people have chosen to know.
we just GIVE UP.
we give up on everything but money.
it all comes down to money.
i hate it.
fuck it all.
i don't know what i'm going to do with my life.
i'm so tired of everything that i don't know if i even have it in me to attempt to really make a difference in this world.
does anyone really care?
..................................................................
yeah, that's what i thought.

thank you.

have you ever been driven closer and closer to madness by certain qualities that people possess?
these things are eating at me from the inside out.
and there is nothing i can do.
they'll never change- that is who they are.
and is letting them know how i feel really worth the trouble it would cause?
no, it's not.
i'll just have to... let it go once again...

i'm so frustrated with everything right now.
even my mother said i was testy this morning.
that's a good word for how i feel; i couldn't find the word before.
i get so anxious about everything and then my procrastination makes it worse.
i don't know what i want anymore... decide for me.
maybe it's that i don't even CARE about knowing what i want.
i don't need anything.
instead of going shopping for clothes i've been getting creative with all the stuff i already have.
it's more fun that way.
i was driving for an hour with my mother today.
we had to drop off raffle tickets at the office.
she stopped at target but i stayed in the car b/c i felt crappy.
i people-watched.
there was this one young guy on a bike that especially intrigued me.
he had short bleached blond hair, a neon green t-shirt, and black bike shorts with 2 white stripes down the sides. i could see his plaid boxers too. he rode his bike right up to the door of the store and stopped. i thought he was locking up his bike, but he wasn't. he rode away on the sidewalk. a few minutes later he was back. he rode slowly around benches, now wearing sunglasses, and then went off in the opposite direction. later, he returned and this time he sat down on a bench. he started smoking and did a curious thing. he put his head inside of his bright green shirt and started smoking in there. a big puff of smoke would emerge along with his head after a few seconds. i wonder what he was thinking about. it seemed to me as if he didn't have any place to go.
as we drove away, he looked at me.
i wonder what he saw.


"you... still amaze me."

* I hoPE you *re as HAppy .a.s. you^re pre.TEN.ding*

Is this the real life, is this just fantasy
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality
Open your eyes , look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me
...to me

T.hE d.oORS. we open and close EA.ch dAY decide th.e live.s WE live.
- Flora Whittemore

and in an instant, it is gone.

everything is so futile now...

why do i even try?

creeping slowly
warning
red light
blinking
stop.
no
green light
mocking
teasing
laughing
go.
i don't need you anymore.

just got home from 6 flags!

oooooooh mama!
it was pretty insane.
i'm still shaking from being so cold and wet...
i'm so addicted to roller coasters though. sarah and lauren wanted to go home when it started raining but i was like, HELL NO! hah. we stayed and it was all ok. we danced in the rain, jumped in puddles, and splashed each other until we couldn't have possibly been ANY more wet. my all-time favorite ride is raging bull. i could ride that all day. we definitely rode in the front of all but one roller coaster we went on. that is the only way to go, baby. "go big or go home!" =P ewww and then these totally creepy stalker guys came up to us and followed us all over. they kept hitting on jessica and she's too nice to tell them off. the one with the hat actually wasn't that bad, but his friend was just a sick asshole. {gags and dies} good thing the live in wisconsin. ::shudder:: i'm glad i don't attract people like that. invisible points to lauren for telling them to "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM US!!" high five! so yeah, that was 6 flags in a nutshell.. {cliche!! MOOhaha} it was a lot of fun and i got the pass to go back so i'll definitely go again with phil sometime soon. i'm excited! i feel a list cumming on... 0:)

LIST OF THINGS I AM ADDICTED TO:
- roller coasters
- phil
- AIM
- blueberry muffins
- hot chocolate
- fresh flowers
- the rain
- music
- big sweatshirts
- "stalking" people
- fuzzy blankets
- flip-flops
- pajama pants
- spoons
- online quizzes
- foreign things
- creativity

i need to do something extremely fun tomorrow. callllllll meeeeeeee.

ooooooooooooooooooooooh MAMA!

i am so insane.
today was a good day.
:)
i helped helen move in but we didn't really do much most of the time.
it was mostly me, helen, george, ben, and alex.

**tangent time**
last night i had the weirdest dream.
the beginning had something to do with being in the woods.. or something..
and then i was suddenly pregnant. {??!?!}
but the thing was, there wasn't a father for it.
i remember this big room with everyone sitting in circular tables with fancy table cloths and china dishes. there were many different levels and i had to go up different stairs to reach the tables.
i walked down the stairs slowly but it was as if no one else could see me.
i looked at the backs of the guys' heads... i remember seeing david and john in there...
but i didn't want any of them. they weren't what i was looking for.
i semi-wanted john because i know he'd make a good dad, but then his fiancee walked in and i remembered her.
nothing was resolved at the end of my dream.. i was still looking for someone.
very strange. very strange indeed.

**end of tangent**

so yes, i went to helen's. that was good fun. we played hide and go seek! :)
i love her new house (trenties' old house).
it's so happy.
i never want to move though.....too many memories here.
and my house isn't a house, it's a HOME. :D
hehe. then after that i had to babysit for mckaeleigh again. i got $21 baby! haha, that's right.
let's see.... we played with forest animals, underwater animals, we had races, we went in her "forest," we found volcanic rocks that float in water, we made a fish bowl with rocks and woodchips as the fish, we fed berries to the fish, went down her slide, etc... :) haha, babysitting rocks. i AM the coolest babysitter ever, thank you.
and after that i went home for 10 minutes and ate pizza. then phil came and we walked to washington for jenny and laura's summer orchestra concert. they're so cute. :) hehe, so we left after they played and layed in the field and looked at the fucking awesome clouds. they rocked, baby. i told him a vague dirty story and about how we used to pole dance at recess. hah! crazy times. we then walked back to my house and i gave him an amazing dinner of pizza, cherries, chex mix, and cherry 7up. haha, that's right. i really want to make pancakes soon. i'm excited. we watched the end of center stage that i didn't get to see last night. haha, CHICK FLICK, baby! we ended up fast-forwarding through most of it though. mike came and we all had a great ...... experience. haha, SEX BOMBS! but enough about that, *i'll never tellllll* :) haha, hope that comes offff. :D then we walked all over through wet fields and such. haha, phil and i are SO cool. (and insane-- of course) ::high five, baby!::
i'm so addicted. ;)
TOMORROW IS 6 FLAGS!!! hehe, i'm excited! it'll be fun.
wow, i should reallllllly go to bed about now....
{sex aisle BABY}
mwah~! {girliness week}
everyone call me on friday! it's going to be an insane party day!!!!!!!!
<3.......SUZIES :)

tonight was definitely a girl's night out!
but not totally hardcore.
lauren and i decided we wanted to go to the MALL. {we never want to go to the mall.}
but instead we ended up going to tar-jay {target}
we tried on some of the clearance clothes {high five}
looked at ghetto hats and purses
socks
shoes
food
cds
movies
little girl clothes
and guy clothes.
haha, oh yes.
we ended up each buying a pair of bright yellow foam flip-flops, a box of chocolate chip cookies, and 2 movies.
MOOhaha, you can't go wrong when buying that, baby!
then we went to the bowling place to meet mike
and just as we were pulling in
i saw richard walking away.
i yelled, "RICHARD!!!" extremely loudly.
he told us that we might catch mike and john b/c they were just leaving too {perfect timing}
turns out they were going to go to mike's house and watch baseball... yeehaw, lol.
so lauren and i went back to her house and watched center stage {chick FLICK}
oh man, some of the guys in it are hottttt ::drool::
too bad the really hot guys are always asssssholes.... {grrr}
well, except in sommmme cases, hehe.
lauren and i are going to learn how to dance {not just that grinding crap everyone does at dances}
but we need partners!!! haha, any takers?? {of course not.. oh well}
and we're going to have a day of being extremely graceful. :)
i'm going to have such a busy day tomorrow.
helen in the morning, babysitting in the afternoon, my little sisters' orchestra concert in the evening and lauren's house party at night.
and then 6 flags thursday~! i'm excited.
i'll have to go again too though!
WHY am i listening to that moulin rouge song??
voulez-vous couchez avec moi ce soir? ;) ;)
{would you like to sleep with me tonight?}
mmmMMM~!
brrrrr i'm cold.
i enjoy being a lazy bum.
i've always been in over my head doing everything before...
and i kinda like being such a slacker.
MOOhaha.
do you ever get the feeling that you need to hug someone?
that's how i feel right now.... AHH!
::hug hug::
i just want to jump on somebody {not in a dirty way}
i am no longer dirty...
well, ok.
i'll admit it.
i AM dirty.
but i'm reallllly trying not to be... O:)
do i get some credit for trying???
yay!
ahhhhhhhh i'm in the weirdest mood. {aren't you always?}
i'm letting my music thing just play random songs and they are so random.
we had some hercules action earlier, now there's some whitney houston {?!??!}
haha, kay...
"oooh i wanna dance with somebody,
i wanna feel the HEAT with somebody,
yeahhh i wanna dance with somebody,
with somebody who loves meee!"
yeah, that's right =P
i just found my gingerbread boy book and it reminds me of jacek.
i bet he had a great time at the modest mouse concerttttto.
but buying yellow flip-flops is almost as cool. {not really}

yeaaaaaaaaaaaah
i haven't really written anything JUICY lately.
i have a private journal for that. ;) ;)

i am becoming atrociously insane.
MOOOOOOOOhahahaha!
beeeeeeeeewaaaaaareeeee!!!!!

i walked to potbelly's with phil today.
he is obsessed. :)
when crossing streets, we always got the walk sign right away.
i couldn't see.
the played the song "it's my party and i'll cry if i want to" at potbelly's.
it is stuck in my head.
then we walked to the park and i got wet.
i am very ticklish.
we sat in the gazebo and saw chalk on the sidewalk.
we walked back towards my house.
i was extremely hyper and bouncy.
the was almost a puddle incident but i was lucky and phil was nice.
i preceded in almost taking us the wrong way home. {good job.}
we went to kendall park and almost didn't make it up the hill.
but we did.
there was an man coming from the train.
he winked at me.
i winked back.
we skipped a little {or attempted to}
and {being as insane as i am} i busted out the riggabamboo song.
oh yes, the riggabamboo song.
now what is that?
it's asomethin' made
by the princess pat
it's a'red and gold
and a'purple too
that's why it's called
a riggabamboo
now captain jack
had a very fine crew
he sailed across
the channel 2
but his ship sank
and yours will too
if you don't bring
a riggabamboo
...... etc etc
it is, by far, the greatest song ever.
sooooo
WHAT DO YOUUUUUUUUU THINK A RIGGABAMBOO IS???
THE PERSON WHO GUESSES RIGHT GETS A HAPPY HAPPY PRIZE!
tomorrow morning i am going to help helen move in.
i am excited.
i have never moved before.
ever ever.
then i am looking forward to telling dirty stories in the park, in the dark.

haha, i might as well go crazy with quizzes now.
nothing better to do.
:)


You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size

Sayin’ you love but you don’t
You give your love but you won’t

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Seems the road less traveled
Show’s happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That’s what you gotta do

Sayin’ you love but you don’t
You give your love but you won’t
You’re stretching out your arms to something that’s just not there
Sayin’ you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

i love this song now!!!

**i'm obsessive compulsive**


Honey you are a rock,
Upon which I stand,
And I came here to talk,
I hope you understand,
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you,
I came here with a load,
And it feels so much lighter now I met you,
And honey you should know,
That I could never go on without you,
Green eyes

Honey you are the sea,
Upon which I float,
And I came here to talk,
I think you should know

The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find,
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind,
Because I came here with a load,
And it feels so much lighter since I met you,
Honey you should know,
That I could never go on without you,
Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh (x4)

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

--"Green Eyes" by coldplay

Manny the Manatee is hard to find in the world, and even harder to find in the world of Beanie Babies. She was born June 8, 1995, and her poem reads:
Manny is sometimes called a sea cow
She likes to twirl and likes to bow
Manny sure is glad you bought her
Because it's so lonely under water!
This totally light gray Beanie Baby is quite magical and somehow peaceful. Black button eyes sit atop her sloping head, and black thread nostrils are nested in the end of her snout. Small flippers extend from her torso. Surface wash only.
--Peggy Etra

better late than never...... =P

"Be who you are and
say what you feel,
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind."

-Dr. Seuss

I hate the way you talk to me / And the way you cut your hair. / I hate the way you drive my car. / I hate it when you stare. / I hate your big dumb combat boots / And the way you read my mind. / I hate you so much it makes me sick -- / It even makes me rhyme. / I hate the way you're always right. /I hate it when you lie. /I hate it when you make me laugh -- /Even worse when you make me cry. / I hate it when you're not around / And the fact that you didn't call. / But mostly I hate the way / I don't hate you -- / Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

try and catch the deluge in a paper cup...

let's begin.

i'm hommmmmmme.

i have so much to say right now....

but.

i don't know how to say it right now.

i'm so lost and confused.

but don't worry.

i will be fine again.

"...and this too shall pass..."

i'm also have religion/faith issues right now.

i would really like to hear as many people as possible's views towards religion.
i just want to listen and not comment.
i am in the middle of making a big decision regarding religion and i would greatly appreciate any insight i could receive from others.

on a completely different note:

i am soon going to receive a test. i am not supposed to know about this test but i feel it coming. and it's coming soon. i am fairly confident i will pass this test-- so bring it on. it's not that i want this test, but at the same time i do. i need to be challenged.

on another completely different note:
thanks, phil.
:)

the last completely different note:
i will write about my weekend experiences someday soon. just not now- i'm not ready for that yet.

{insert stupid rant about myself that nobody cares about here}

alex is home now! :)

i'm still pissy though.

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."
-Cynthia Nelms

Had a bad day again.

She said I would not understand.

She left a note and said "I'm sorry I had a bad day again".

She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace,

Smeared the lipstick on her face,

Slammed the door, and said "I'm sorry I had a bad day again".

And she swears there's nothing wrong.

I hear her playing that same old song.

She puts me up and puts me on.

this song IS tonight.

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave, leave, don't leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
So try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Would you be man enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise, I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

this has been an extremely bad day.
it simply cannot get any worse.
right now i am supposed to be at the pirates of the carribean movie
but i obviously am not.
my parents got home later than they were supposed to
annd so i was late for the movie
and i couldn't find any of them in the theater
and the movie was sold out so i didn't even know if they were there or not
and i reallllly wanted to go b/c i'm gonna be gone this whole weekend
and i was all ready to go out
and i needed to do something fun
and my parents got mad b/c it was so far to drive
and i feel really sick from eating too fast so i could be there on time
and and...
and i just really need a hug.
either that or a slap in the face.
i'm acting like such a brat right now.
i don't care.
>:(
man, i'm in such a bad mood that i'm blaring that evanescence song.


fuck.

TIDBITS TIDBITS TIDBITS TIDBITS TIDBITS TIDBITS TIDBITS:
(no, not frozen pineapple tidbits this time...)

TIDBIT #1: I am deeply saddened by the lack of comments left for me.
TIDBIT #2: I am a complete idiot.
TIDBIT #3: I have to go on a church retreat this weekend. I do not want to.
TIDBIT #4: There is a slash of red nail polish on my knee. It is probably soaking into my bloodstream.
TIDBIT #5: The plants in my room have become monstrously large.
TIDBIT #6: There is a mosquito bite smack in the middle of my forehead and it itches like no other.
TIDBIT #7: I have been listening to so much new music lately. I like it. Give me more. more. MORE! MOOhaha
TIDBIT #8: Do you ever scare yourself?
TIDBIT #9: I always have a headache. Someone said it's because of the barometric pressure changing. Beast pressure.
TIDBIT #10: Doesn't tidbit #10 have a nice rrrrrring to it?
TIDBIT #11: I made very good muffins this morning.
TIDBIT #12: I am afraid of phones.
TIDBIT #13: Ghost World is a good movie.
TIDBIT #14: Pencil sharpeners confuse me.
TIDBIT #15: "Damnnnnnnnnnnnn, that girl was fine."
TIDBIT #16: I am a pack rat.
TIDBIT #17: I only need 2 more inches before I can donate my hair to Locks of Love.
TIDBIT #18: I hate men.
TIDBIT #19: I want pizza.
TIDBIT #20: This is the last tidbit.

have a good day.

i loved the concert.
i'm so hooked.
hehe :)
i went over to phil's at like 12:30 and we hung out there until 2:35 [ :) ] when we left.
haha, i totally beat him at sorry! best board game ever.
i love his dog, molly!
definitely ended up as furry as a dog after petting her so much.
oh man, the ride there was beastly! crazy weather.
it was a MONSOON for a lot of the time.
phil gets my award for best driver of the year. :)
and when he threw change in the toll booth things, he didn't miss them. lol, yes!
i named the green blanket we brought with us "milo."
turns out, after it started raining at the concert, he turned into a turtle. he tried to keep us dry, but he didn't really succeed. at least he tried. :)
i'll write more about this later- i have to go.

:D
i'm so excited!
i'm going to my first reallll concert tomorrow w/ philllllllll~!
i've been listening to them alllll day!!!
AHH! why am i making alllllllll of the L's realllllly llllllong?!?
hah.
oh man, i'm excited.
:)
yeeeeeeeee~HAW!

ps. next week is the beginning of the 5 senses week.
let me know if you'd like to join the festivities! ;)

things i find attractive:

- music
- having a passion
- that one cologne
- comfortable with himself and just in general
-

blah, nevermind....... i hate men.
:)

my feet are stained from stepping on mulberries in the woods.
tonight was good considering my crap mood.
i *burned stuff* with mike, ben, and ellie.
interesting.
i must admit that it was pretty cool too.
rubbing alcohol kicks.
;)
went to barnes and noble too, but i didn't get to read my
sex books.
:(
ah well. next time.
i'm not in as bad of a mood as i was before at least.
i walked the rest of the way home by myself.
i thought creepy guys were going to jump out of the bushes
and eat me or something.
luckily, all the creepy guys were still drunk at the ribfest
so it was all ok.
i don't have an away message on.
i wonder who will talk to me.
probably no one.
i'm too much of a bitch.
hah.
but i'm not really a bitch.
i'm a pseudo-bitch.
yeah, that's right.
it's weird how when i type some things it can come off completely
different than it would if i had said it out loud.
example 1: i LIKE it.
example 2: yeah, that's right.
example 3: yeah ok.
example 4: nice
example 5: FUCK!!!!!!**
example 6: ooooooh MAMA
**oh wait, that one sounds the same both ways... 0:)

wow i'm so bored.
i love rambling to myself, don't you?
oh yes, susan, i DOOOOOOOOO.
::drool::
haha, drooling.

this day is definitely NOT what i had expected it to be.
geez, i'm such a good daughter....
=/

gahhhh....... i should be having a sleepover right now.
in the treehouse.
but....... i'm obviously NOT.
psh.
blech.
.....................................
::dies::

psh.

my hair is insanely long.
i am considering straightening it now
but i'm afraid it might hit the floor.
=P well, maybe it's not THAT long...
but it's getting there~!
should i?
i will.
whoopee!

i'm so confused again.
i really am insane.
ask anyone.
my tummy hurts :(
but no one cares about that.
anyway.
"you're into my head, i'm out of my mind..."
i've been thinking a lot lately.
(except for the last... 3 hours..)
but before that.
i was thinking about thinking.
and about what it means to listen to someone.
to TRULY listen to them.
undivided attention-style.
and how often do you get that from someone?
not very often. it's a pretty rare occurrence.
i just found this on someone's away message.
i find it sadly beautiful right now...

Life is,
only,
as good as the memories we make,
and I'm taking back what belong to me.
Polaroids of classrooms unattended.
These relics of remembrance,
are just like shipwrecks.
Only there gone faster then the smell after it rains.

So long astoria.
I found a map to buried treasure,
and even if we come home empty-handed.
We still have our stories, our battlescars, pirate ships and wounded hearts, broken bones,
and all the best of friendships.
And when this hourglass,
has filtered out,
it's final grain of sand.
I raise my glass to the memories we are.
This is my wish,
and I'm taking it back.
I'm taking them all back.
-The Ataris

*sigh*

i hate the ribfest/carnivals in general.
i find them repulsive.
well, maybe repulsive is too strong of a word, but something along those lines.
i just don't like the crowds and the rush and the constant movement.
i avoid them at all costs
but i usually end up going anyway.
ah well.
and who's going to go watch the fireworks with me?
wow, i'm really depressed now.
i must be manic depressive.
i was just crazy at andrew's house
and now i'm dead.
blah.
i just colored the Z key on my keyboard with a purple marker.
i LIKE it.
hmmm maybe i should make the whole thing colorful.
that would be awesomely awesome, baby.
;)
AHH!!! oh man, i almost lost this whole thing.
::heart attack::
but i saved it.
phew, that was close.

have you ever wanted something so badly and you can never have it?
i hate that.
with a passion...


Had a bad day again.

She said I would not understand.

She left a note and said "I'm sorry I had a bad day again".

She spilled her coffee, broke her shoelace,

Smeared the lipstick on her face,

Slammed the door, and said "I'm sorry I had a bad day again".

And she swears there's nothing wrong.

I hear her playing that same old song.

She puts me up and puts me on.


i should really go to bed and stop thinking.
or at least...consciously thinking.

yeah.
there's nothing here for me anyway.

there is a series of 8 mysterious bruises going down my right leg.
i have no idea where they came from.

i'm watching a disney sing-a-long movie.
oh yes, oh yes.
it is making me happy.
:)

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

[Jasmine:] A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
[Aladdin:] Now I'm in a whole new world with you

[Jasmine:] Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
[Aladdin:] Don't you dare close your eyes
[Jasmine:] A hundred thousand things to see
[Aladdin:] Hold your breath - it gets better
[Jasmine:] I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

hehe :)